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Things you don't want to do during or after a divorce

The dissolution of a marriage is an intensely personal, private event. If you have filed a petition for divorce in an Illinois court, your circumstances are no longer 100% private, but it's only natural that you don't want everyone knowing your business. Even so, it's helpful to build a strong network of support from the start, including trusted confidants who will provide emotional support as well as legal advocates who can help you overcome any obstacles that may delay or impede a fair settlement. 

There is no right or wrong way to feel in a divorce. No two cases are exactly the same. However, there are certain things you may want to avoid if your goal is to finalize all necessary documents and move on in life in as peaceful and healthy a manner as possible. 

Avoid making hasty decisions and changes

On one hand, you might feel a sense of liberation when you start afresh in a new lifestyle, and you might feel like trying new things or doing something a little outside your comfort zone, like getting a tattoo. On the other hand, however, it's a good idea to be cautious and to give yourself time to adapt to the changes in your life before making any decisions, especially if it's about plastic surgery or hair color or something you might later regret.

Don't expect everything to be resolved with your ex

You might be relieved that you won't have to live under the same roof with your ex, but don't have unreasonable expectations about your post-divorce relationship, especially if you have children together. It is common for co-parents to disagree, and you'll likely set yourself up for disappointment if you think that finalizing your divorce means you're putting an end to all your problems. 

Resist the urge to say or write negative things about your ex

You've no doubt seen social media posts in the past where a divorced person decides to vent and starts posting negative or embarrassing things about his or her ex. While it might make you feel better in the moment, you might regret it later, especially if your children are old enough to see what you wrote. It could also spark legal problems. 

Don't close yourself off from others

Some of your friendships might change after you go through divorce. However, if people reach out to you and try to include you in social gatherings, try to accept the kindness and the invitation. Many people suffer terrible loneliness and depression after divorce. It's OK to take time for yourself, but it's not a good idea to become totally isolated. 

Addressing problem issues

If an issue arises regarding child custody or some other legal matter that you don't feel equipped to handle alone, don't hesitate to reach out for support. Confiding in a trusted friend who has gone through similar experiences is helpful. Licensed counselors and experienced family law attorneys can also provide strong support as you cope with a divorce.

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