Protecting your children in divorce

If anyone said marriage would be easy, they were clearly wrong. Likewise for anyone who says divorce is easy. In fact, divorce is often a very difficult, emotional process. Matters become even more tangled when children are involved.

A recent article on divorce and custody disputes says there are ways divorcing parents can minimize “stress and sadness for your smalls.”

One of the most challenging parts of divorcing with children is that you must deal not only with your own (likely) complex emotions on a wide range of marital disagreements, but you must also take care of your child’s emotional needs during a difficult time. After all, they depend on you for stability and guidance.

One of the most important pieces of advice dispensed in the news article: “Don’t make children the go-between.” In other words, don’t give in to the temptation to use the kids to deliver messages to your soon-to-be-ex.

Children used that way can feel uncomfortable, upset and “pressured into taking sides,” said a psychologist. It’s not a healthy way for a child to get through his or her day, so find other ways to communicate with your spouse or ex.

On a related note, you are advised not to “overshare.” That means you should stop yourself from leaning on children for emotional support. Don’t tell them intricate or intimate details of your marital problems. After all, to the child all of these stories about both parents, rather than tales of one aggrieved parent and a spouse.

You are also urged not to “bad mouth your ex” and not to pry information about your ex from your kids.

Focus instead on helping your kids feel safe, secure and loved.

One way you can help take some of the stress of divorce off of yourself is to have at your side an experienced Peoria family law attorney who has been through the process and knows how to protect clients and their children.

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